Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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