Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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