I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize