I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
