I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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