what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize