it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
