Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize