All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize