Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
