there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
