Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
