He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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