I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
