I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he told me I talked like a deaf person
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
