I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
