Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
