he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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