There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
