you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
