I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
