O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
