Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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