I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
