drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
