If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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