Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
