K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
