After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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