careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
