i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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