Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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