The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
