eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
