i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
