I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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