somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
