There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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