I just pynch a tree in the face
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
