is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
