so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
