I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
