There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
