Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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