can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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