I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
