Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm going to jail i love you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just blew my weed a kiss
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
