Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
