so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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