He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
