There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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