I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
