I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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