I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize