thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Randomize