i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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