I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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