I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
