Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
