i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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