My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
that's an acceptable place to lick
found the other keg... it's in the tree
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize