what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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